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30 DAYS OF BALANCED LIVING: Day 21 – Answering Your Questions about How to Heal and Become Balanced

Q: You indicate in your previous article the need to have a series of questions and answer sessions with yourself. What does that process look like?

A: “Think before you speak”, is an old adage that we have heard throughout our lives. And, we have the tendency to approach most situations from several other adages, “I can speak my mind if want to,” “it’s my prerogative,” “the Lord told me to tell you.” Each of these statements are merely justifications we use in an attempt to get away with saying something we would not ordinarily say if we would give it time and some serious thought. I recall the first time I had something to reveal. Up to a certain point in my life I was the person that people always came to as a sounding board to bounce around their concepts, ideas, and revelations regarding the pain in their life. But, now it was my turn and I knew I had to select my words carefully. Remember when I said you had to have a conversation with yourself before you considered a reveal? Well, here is how I approached my situation.

1. Understand in your heart the place from which you are led to reveal: It is important to know if the reveal is coming from a place of love, hate, resentment, concern, or selfishness. When you are able to answer these questions, then you will be better positioned for a possible reveal.

2. Accept that the reveal may not go as planned: When we have not thought through what we are going to say, how we are going to say it, and realistically challenge the counter questions, then we can end up backed into a hostile corner, severing an already fractured relationship, or even worse losing our cool completely. When you are not fully prepared, sensitive to the position of the other person, or go with a closed mind, the reveal may be more than you can handle.

3. Have an exit strategy to back down if the situation becomes uncontrollable: There are times when you start to talk and you realize this was not a good idea. And, that is okay. It may mean it will happen at another place and time. Sometimes it means you have come to a place where you are okay without the reveal, you just needed to know that you could handle one if it was needed. Other times you are still thinking it through, and recognize that it is not worth it after all. Whatever your reason for the exit, trust God to reveal to you what you are to learn from the experience.

How did you prepare for your first reveal? As I prepared for my first reveal, I was anxious. I was not sure how to tell my mother about a situation she and I faced when I was younger. Yet it was an important reveal that God was leading me to do as I prepared 19-years ago to preach my first sermon and ordination service. I decided to write a letter as a way of purging and healing. I had carried this with me since I was a pre-teen. It was time to truly put the passed behind and if God was willing to use me, then I knew it began with a reveal. Honestly, you cannot lead others if you yourself are not willing to be led.

Just know that parents need to have more awareness, and daughters need to know they are not to blame. All abuse starts with a threat, and that threat can lead to a lifetime of guarded behavior, mistrust, dishonesty, disgust, hate, and bitterness. The emotions can be overwhelming. But, God is a healer and through it all I have emerged a better person, woman, leader, and Christian.